


A Perfect Time for a Feast!

by jaycat8214



Series: Crack of the Wild [2]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26013952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaycat8214/pseuds/jaycat8214
Summary: Link is in perilous danger as he faces Calamity Ganon! How will he survive? By eating some food of course! Round two of in game shenanigans!
Series: Crack of the Wild [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1888123
Kudos: 14





	A Perfect Time for a Feast!

**Author's Note:**

> Most of the dialogue is taken directly from the game. There are some moments that don't follow with the mechanics of the game but I needed them for the DRAMA! Let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Link panted, pausing to catch his breath as he stared down at the sanctum. This was it. The final showdown. The one everyone has been waiting for for over 100 years! It was time to take down Calamity Ganon!

Link jumped down to sanctum and drew the master sword. He curiously looked around when that weird woman’s voice rang out. “Link. Link! I’m sorry, but my power isn’t strong enough. I can’t hold him.”  
  
Link looked up to see this weird, red, jelly egg hanging from the ceiling. Just as the woman’s voice faded, a blue laser shot out from the egg, circling the room in sporadic bursts. When it finally stopped, the egg grew blue cracks before exploding, giving birth to an ugly, red jelly, bearded, spidery thing that was Calamity Ganon.  
  
Link dodged and weaved and slashed and hacked away at Calamity Ganon, slowly ridding the monster of its health and energy. At last, Link slashed Ganon’s face one last time, bringing it to its knees. With a shriek, the spidery creature started spewing the corrupted red jelly from its body. It desperately inched its way towards Link before erupting into a pink sphere of light that shattered its body into fog.  
  
The fog swirled in the cavern before gently rising. In a flash of golden light, Link followed the fog up and out before materializing onto Hyrule Field; his trusty horse by his side. He turned towards the castle, wreathed in the dense red fog.  
  
Giant hooves emerged from the dome of fog as the woman droned on about Ganon and the embodiment of evil. Soon, a giant body followed before the entire creature was revealed; a giant boar-like creature with neon pink flames sprouting from its body. This was THE DARK BEAST GANON!  
  
Link swiftly hopped onto his trusty steed and trotted forward as he snatched the light bow from the air. He rode circles around the beast, shooting at the golden glowing symbol on its body. Link grimaced as a pink beam from the beast’s mouth hit him and his horse.  
  
He groaned as he got to his feet, bruises all over his body and clothes torn up. Link could feel his energy waning. He briefly glanced at his heart monitor to see that he was down to three hearts. Link looked up in time to see Ganon shoot another pink beam of hurt at him. Just as it was about to hit him, Link looked Ganon straight in the eye, “Would you be so kind as to pause while I take a quick snack break?”  
  
Abruptly, the beam disappeared as Ganon reared its head back. With a vague motion of a sigh of resignation, the beast dipped its head in agreement. Link grinned up at it as he started removing firewood and a metal pot, “Thank you, kind sir! Uh, beast!”  
  
Link hummed as he placed a flint by the firewood and struck it with his sword. A satisfying swoosh was heard as flames consumed the wood. He carefully balanced the pot on the fire before pulling a wooden table from his Sheikah Slate. All sorts of fruits and veggies appeared on the table. He hummed as he tossed ingredients into the pot and stirred occasionally. Dish after dish came out of the pot and onto the table.  
  
When the table was full of food, Link pulled out a chair and sat down. “Well, this is an AMAZING feast if I do say so myself.” He beamed at Ganon, who happened to be laying down right in front of the table. Ganon rolled its piggy eye in exasperation.  
  
Link grabbed his trusty ladle and started to gobble down the first dish. “MMM!” Link groaned, “This is amazing!” He wiped his mouth on his arm before patting his stomach in satisfaction with both hands. A small portion of his energy returned and regained a couple of hearts (according to his heart monitor).  
  
He started on the next dish when a screech was heard. Link turned his head to look at a bokoblin running towards him. “LET ME EAT IN PEACE!” Link shouted as he swung his ladle in a barrage onto the bokoblin’s head. The poor bokoblin that made the mistake of interrupting Link’s meal fell over before disappearing into smoke. He smiled as he cleaned his ladle on this tunic. “So sorry you had to see that,” he calmly said to his table mate. Ganon gave a tiny, almost imperceptible shudder and vowed to never interrupt the hero during meal time.  
  
Time slowly passed from day to night as Link devoured dish after dish. Ganon drifted off to sleep in boredom as it waited for the hero to finish his meal. (Seriously, how does that dinky human eat THAT much food?? The hero probably ate twice his weight! That is no human, _that_ is a MONSTER.) Ganon was startled awake by the sound of two objects gently hitting each other. It groggily blinked its eyes.  
  
“HYAAA!” Ganon’s eyes widened in shock as it felt a sword being driven straight through its snout. It screeched in anger as it shook off the hero. HOW DARE THE HERO ATTACK IT WHEN IT WASN’T READY? The snout-kebab move dealt massive damage since Ganon’s defenses were low and there was no malice surrounding him. With low health Ganon’s eye opened on its forehead for better visibility. Just as Ganon turned towards the fallen hero, a whoosh was heard as a light arrow went streaking through the air and struck Ganon’s forehead eyeball.  
  
The beast let out a mighty roar as it writhed on the ground in pain. A golden orb shot out of Ganon and landed on the field. There, Zelda appeared and sealed away Ganon. She turned to Link, a smile gracing her face. “I’ve been keeping watch over you all this time. I’ve witnessed your struggles to return to us as well your trials in battle. I always thought-no, I always believed- that you find a way to defeat Ganon. I never lost faith in you over these many years. BUT I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SAT DOWN, COOKED AND ATE A GOD DUCKING FEAST FOR A WHOLE DAY, LURING GANON TO SLEEP BEFORE AMBUSHING IT!”  
  
Zelda sucked in a shaky breath and ducked her head, “Thank you, Link, the hero of Hyrule” Her voice returned to a gentle croon. Zelda raised her head, “May I as-“. She stopped abruptly as she took in the sight before her. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE EATING MORE FOOD!” Link turned around in his crouch, cheeks stuffed with enough food to make a chipmunk envious of his skill. He grinned around his mouth full of food and turned back to the love of his life, FOOD!

FOOD OF THE WILD

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually inspired by hella's comment form the previous story. How? I have no idea myself.


End file.
